20 Things I didn't learn before turning 20 (but I still want to)

When I was 13 or 14, I had a very precise idea of who I wanted to be at 20. Full of self-confidence. Grown up. My life under control.

Now I'm 20 and I may be deviating just a little bit from my 13-year-old dream image. Not to say that I resemble it about as much as an elephant resembles a kangaroo.

Because my 20-year-old self, in contrast to my 13-year-old self, knows that you're not ancient at 20, I've made a list. A list with 20 things I didn't learn before I turned 20 – but that I still want to learn.

Some of these points probably sound like sayings written under Instagram pictures and I'm still nowhere near managing half of these things. But I know them in theory and I've rationally understood a lot of it.

Emotionally, however, I can't do that yet.

Nevertheless, I think it's important to know yourself. To work on yourself. Both on your weaknesses and on your strengths.

1. Stand up for myself

I'm convinced that almost everyone has problems with this. Some more. Some less. And most people are simply good at hiding it. Maybe that's exactly the secret. Maybe you just have to pretend it to yourself long enough until you believe it yourself.

1. How to make really good Christmas biscuits

Thanks to years of practice with my grandmother, I'm a master at cutting out and decorating biscuits. Nevertheless, the recipe for the dough has eluded me so far. That's why I'm still looking for the perfect biscuit dough.

1. Sign language

Something I've wanted to learn for so long and keep putting off. Actually, I'm only putting it on the list to finally get started on it. In the meantime, I've at least bought a book about it.

1. Be proud of what you've achieved

It doesn't even have to be the best result. As long as you make an effort yourself, that's reason enough to be proud of it.

1. Play music in front of my friends without feeling uncomfortable

That may sound silly and quite specific at first. But it's a fact that I only really talk to very few of my friends about my music taste and the music I listen to. Because as soon as I know that theirs doesn't match mine, I find it extremely uncomfortable to play my music.

Even though that thinking is totally nonsensical.

1. Imitate dialects

Do it well.

Because so far I'm so terrible at it that I don't even dare to do it in front of other people. Yet I find few things as funny as when someone can do it well. Or at least reasonably well.

1. When to say "hello" to people when you run into them (without it being awkward)

In my head it always goes something like this:

'Oh! There's XY. Maybe I can go a different way! Damn, she's already seen me. Ok, just look at my phone for a moment then we don't have to look at each other the whole time. But not too long, otherwise she'll think I'm a phone addict. Look up briefly and smile. Good, she's seen that I'm smiling at her. Just look at the ground. Not too long, otherwise she'll think I don't want to look her in the eye. And the "hello" that follows is always a bit too early or a bit too late, so that either you can't answer anymore or it takes too long before you pass each other.

1. It's not bad to cry

Probably something that would more likely be found on boys' lists like this. For me, it's more about the fact that it's not bad if I cry often.

Because I know I'm a sensitive person.

I make jokes about being a sensitive person.

But still, I find it terrible every time I have to cry in front of others or become overly emotional, if it's perhaps not appropriate for the situation.

1. Sewing

My handicraft skills are admittedly more limited to darning socks and sewing on buttons, but that can be changed.

1. How to do things alone

Eat out. Alone? Ok, then I'll order something or skip it altogether.

Shopping? Phew, good thing there's online shopping when none of my friends have time. Cinema? Then I guess I'll have to wait until it's available to stream somewhere if none of my friends want to see the film.

And it's kind of sad that I often deny myself things like this just because friends or family don't have time for them. Besides, the cinema is definitely much nicer when no one next to you asks stupid questions because they don't understand something.

1. Do a handstand

I could do one at 13. Not anymore.

1. Don't make "being happy" dependent on others

Humans are social beings. Therefore, it's clear to a certain extent that we let ourselves be influenced by others and it makes us happy to spend time with other people. But happiness shouldn't depend on that.

Not just other people should make me happy. I should too.

1. Basic cocktail recipes

Everyone should master a few simple cocktail recipes.

1. Fight only my own battles

Because I certainly have enough to deal with.

But there are things where I feel like I have to put my energy into them, even though I'm not affected by them and they sometimes don't even concern me. And I do it anyway. That's time-consuming. And exhausting.

1. How to be more optimistic

Or at least less pessimistic.

This list alone shows, in my opinion, a tendency towards pessimism. Why else would I make a list of things I can't do. Instead of one about things I can do. Because it really wears you down to always assume the worst right away.

1. Be more spontaneous

Don't always try to plan every step meticulously. Because I've learned that you usually regret it when you don't seize spontaneous opportunities.

1. How to reply to voice messages quickly

They come in.

While I'm shopping. Or with friends. Or jogging.

And usually they're just way too long to listen to quickly.

So I quickly type a message saying I'll listen to it, but don't have time right now.

And then I forget.

Maybe I should just teach my friends not to send me overly long voice messages.

1. Be more selfish

That sounds like a weakness in a job interview at first: "I care too much about others!" And that's not a bad quality in principle. But with it, it's a bit like with chocolate. A little is ok. It's even fun. But as soon as you've eaten the whole bar, you quickly feel guilty. Sometimes it's also important to put yourself first and not others.

1. Don't put off important things

Full stop. That's it.

1. Focus on the things I can do – not the ones I can't

The last point on this list is at the same time the one I can already do best. The one I'm furthest along with.

The last point on this list is the point that made me realise that this whole list is nonsense.

It developed dynamically. I added points whilst I was writing others. And only then did I notice that it doesn't help to focus on what you can't do.

I still think it's good to know your strengths and weaknesses. To know yourself. To know what you want to work on.

But doing it the way I did through this list doesn't make you happy in the long run. It only lets you see the negative. Instead, you should probably focus on the things you can do.

That's easy to say. Difficult to implement.

I'm working on it at the moment, just like on other things from this list. That's what you should focus on. What you're working on. What you're doing better than the day before.

Because these baby steps are what make you happier. In the long run too.