You don't have to do anything

Learning to take care of yourself

Everything feels like too much to you. And you're unhappy too. In the mornings you're already longing for the evening, and your only bright spot is the late Saturday night hours when you can spend time with friends and a pizza, at least for a short while, to push your worries aside.

And yes, if you're being completely honest with yourself, you're aware that you're only postponing your problems, not tackling them.

Actually, it all started so harmlessly. Dreams, wishes and plans. Even during school you think about your future life from time to time.

And after your A-levels everything happens very quickly. Too quickly.

 "What are you going to do now?"

 "Will you actually get a job with that?"

 "Why don't you want to study?"

Suddenly everyone has an opinion about it. And it starts — you put enormous pressure on yourself. You ask yourself whether you should perhaps choose a degree that will "definitely" get you a job. Do you even know where your interests lie yet? What do you actually want to achieve in your life? What matters to you? Does that even matter anymore?

Increasingly you have the feeling that time is running out. I have to make a decision now, you think. Take a break? No, you can't afford to do that. And by now you no longer know whether it's your surroundings' opinion or already your own.

And before you know it, you're actively studying. You're providing for your future. It'll all work out, eventually I'll enjoy it, you think. The beginning is always tough.

Pure avoidance. Because "actively studying" is unfortunately an exaggeration. Half-heartedly you struggle through the texts you have to read week after week and which don't interest you in the slightest. The lectures are a battle because you keep catching yourself thinking about something completely different. How much you'd like to be there now…

For exams you memorise as much as possible; you don't even try to understand the material anymore. You constantly ask fellow students how much they've already learnt — you might have done too little. You don't want to fail because you're afraid of falling behind. You ask yourself: Who am I then?

You haven't felt fun and enthusiasm for challenges in a long time. Your valuable thoughts only revolve around passing the exams and doing as well as possible. And then…

Yes, what actually happens after the exams? The vicious circle just continues. You fall deeper and deeper into a hole that you've partly dug yourself. Because you don't listen to yourself. You ignore your own needs; you're doing yourself great injustice.

By now you can't hide your sadness anymore, and perhaps you don't even want to. You might recognise that you finally have to wake up, that you need to take care of yourself.

"You don't have to do anything," you might need to hear once. You should know that you're allowed to listen to yourself. You don't have to please anyone else except yourself. You're not alone with your self-doubt, fear of failure and feeling overwhelmed. You don't see the struggles that your fellow human beings have with themselves because nobody likes to show themselves as weak and fragile. But it's not a weakness to admit to yourself that you're overwhelmed by your tasks, or to permanently stop an activity because you realise you could never be happy doing it. On the contrary, it shows great strength. Your ideas about the future that you set aside long ago might not be as utopian as you thought (or as you were made to believe in a "well-meaning piece of advice"). Perhaps this ignored, dismissed dream, this suppressed, unheeded interest is exactly your thing.

Your life doesn't have to be completely planned out. You'll find your place, but only if you start accepting your limits. You're allowed to really let yourself go sometimes, try something new, take risks, give yourself time off.

Because you don't have to do anything.

If you feel that you can't cope with your worries on your own, you should seek external help. Whether it's family, friends or psychotherapeutic counselling. It should be someone you trust, who can assess the situation objectively and with whom you can work together on solutions. The Studentenwerk in Würzburg also offers telephone counselling during the coronavirus crisis that you can use. Furthermore, you can get in touch with other students through the initiative "Blaupause Würzburg", which specialises in mental health and is committed to ensuring that mental health is no longer seen as a taboo subject. Even during coronavirus, Zoom meetings take place which you can easily join by registering quickly via email, Instagram or Facebook.

 Don't be afraid to reach out to others and accept help. After all, it's about your health and your happiness.

Karina Thiem