Something about physicality

>>When I wake up in the morning
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth<<
THE TOTAL  
M E R G I N G I N T O O N E A N O T H E R
Of flesh and skin
Head tilted to one side
A suggestion of understanding

>>How long already?<<
>>A while<<
One picks, one takes FLESH
Between fingers
>>But with a delicate touch!<<
Until the gag reflex
A brave little Indian girl knows no pain
>>BUT DOCTOR<<
An attempt at CONTROL
Taking the helm back into one's hands
>>Aha<<
Until yesterday there was still

A feeling for the self
Of being and having
The matter of corporeality
That nested
Until yesterday still

In the most remote crevices of the brain
In the unconscious
As long as a body functions according to the system functions
As long as joint hinges fit together precisely
We can safely forget
That we have one at all
A state of bodiless existence – how lovely
Until yesterday still

Now: a permanent
Observing oneself
ALLEGRO PASTEL

Someone must have rubbed the skin
At the elbows with sandpaper
Worn it away
It has become quite rough
It's peeling
Of its own accord
-Search ; >>Something has slipped away from me<<
>>Aha<<
>>BUT DOCTOR <<

The sieve in the bathtub catches
>>Recently<<
Always a considerable amount of hair
Like spider's legs stretched across white enamel

>>Recently I counted 36 strands<<
                                           >>And tell me, are you drinking enough, madam?<<
>>BUT DOCTOR<<

I have emptied my stomach of meaning
The matter of nausea has by now become so permanent
That it keeps slipping out of view
Then creeps back in and hollows me out
AS IF SOMEONE HAD SCRAPED OUT MY INTESTINAL WALLS WITH BARE FINGERS
>>Aha<<

And that is it, after all,
What you mean when you say
One must make oneself vulnerable
Turn one's innermost self outward
>>That's probably the stress<<
>>Tell me, do you have stress
At work, with your partner, madam?<<
>>BUT DOCTOR<<

>>Recently, when I weighed my breast in my hand
The one under which it pulses as if a butterfly were trapped inside
A white one
       Blind spot
On the breastbone in the valley between the swells
There on the left from the beginning<<

>>Try it with sleep<<
A good dream has helped everyone
To the certainty-giving
P I C K I N G A P A R T
Perception – truth

FADEOUT

Something has escaped her
Out of joint – as if through her fingers
>>I LOST MY MIND TO THE WORLD<<
A feeling like falling on one's head
>>Aha, indeed<<

Make yourself credible, make yourself naked
It's about shedding skin
Body is also just
FIBRELAND
Like mandarins
DECONSTRUCTION
Along skin layers
Epidermis-Dermis-Subcutis
If one cannot get to the flesh
How then to know
What is rotting?
Don't be-so coy
Until yesterday there was still

>>Yes, yes<<
>>BUT DOCTOR<<
>>Are you listening?<<
>>Do you exercise?<<
Until yesterday there was still

>>BUT DOCTOR<
One single staging of
I'm not doing well
One has been empathetic for >>A WHOLE TWO HOURS<< today
>>BUT DOCTOR<<

Men in white coats
An unmistakable display of AUTHORITY
When it bled, it dripped a marbling onto the asphalt
>>Almost beautiful<<
But much
>>Aha<<

You say
>>I see, we'll have to cut diets, madam<<
>>You're losing your immunity, madam<<
AND YOU MEAN IT POLITICALLY
You ask
>>Is falling necessarily uncomfortable?<<
A body
That steadily moves towards the straight line
O P T I C A L I L L U S I O N? – Perhaps
Soundless S L O S H I N G I N T O O N E A N O T H E R of
That is real
             llusion
>>Yes, yes, you-
We can manage it, madam<<
Something is amiss
>>Something to do with corporeality<<

Lucia Leonhardt