"Stop being so sensitive" – How micro can an aggression be?

About the variety of microaggressions women* face on a daily basis, why feminism is still much needed and why words matter more than some actually think

"To be honest, I can't even remember exactly when my first encounter with microaggressions was, or rather, when I first became aware of it, but maybe that's actually where the problem lies – in not being aware of it – in not seeing the assault … isn't it?"1

When the topic feminism comes up, people often claim that either feminism nowadays isn't needed anymore since we would live in an equal society where no sexism happens anymore or that it is a first world problem for people with too much time on their hands. What they don't see is that it's not about a single instance of harassment or a single off-hand comment that a woman* has once experienced in her life, it is about the fact that women* encounter these every day – several times. Days, weeks, months, and years of objectifying, shaming, and stereotyping women* make them grow to feel inferior and subliminally lead them to adopt sexist attitudes toward themselves and thus other women. Which makes everyday sexism more like the icing on the cake of internalised misogyny – and yet no less important to talk about, since it's the small and seemingly harmless instances of everyday sexism that contribute to the big picture and normalise the inequality.

Everyday sexism – everyday insults which convey negative messages or stereotypes of a marginalised group – also called microaggression, can take many forms. However whether intentional or unintentional, they signal disrespect. They also reflect inequality; since anyone can be the victim of disrespectful behaviour, microaggressions are more often directed at people with less power, such as women, people of colour or people of the LGBTQIA+ community. Sexist microaggressions are usually so normal and subtle that women* themselves often no longer recognise or perceive them. They are a normalised and pervasive part of being a woman* in nowadays society. To change that, we need to create awareness; we need to make them visible, so everyone can see them.

From being catcalled to incredulous comments on women* who do not plan on having children to making fun of or invalidating women's* feelings by telling them not to be so hysterical, emotional, sensitive etc.: Microaggressions are often based on and constantly reproduce traditional gender roles. Here are some examples of microaggressions commonly faced by women, based on the experiences of some Collegium Civitas students.

Making unsolicited comments on women's body is one instance of microaggressions and the most popular form might be catcalling. When a woman* goes out in public, for some reason, that is permission for many people to comment loudly or even touch a woman's* body. A survey by Stop Street Harassment shows that over 81% of women* have either been catcalled, yelled at, stared at or intimidated. Comments like "Hey sweetie, you'd be prettier if you were smiling", "Where are you going dressed like that?", "Name your price, baby", "I can show you a good time", whistling's, car honks or vulgar gestures are all part of catcalling. Many men claim that women* should simply take it as a compliment when they receive comments about their body or outfit. Thus, I asked a student of the Collegium Civitas, who got catcalled on our way to university, what she thinks about such statements and what catcalling makes her feel like: "Actually it rather scares me when someone catcalls me or something similar – especially at night. I always start to get angry about my outfit then, because it happens even more often when I am dressed 'revealing'. But at the same moment, I get really upset about these thoughts, because I'm trying to remind myself, that not I should question myself, but the one just who catcalled me." (Wiktoria Kowalczyk, 23) Fear, discomfort, belittlement and insecurity are the most common feelings of women* experiencing catcalling. Especially if it is a whole group of men catcalling a single woman, the effects can be even more harmful and frightening.

However it's not just about catcalling, but about sexual objectification in general, since women receive comments about their appearance also in their workplace and similar. Comments like "You're too pretty to worry about that" or "Why don't you go to the meeting, a pretty face might persuade them", suggest a woman's* look would be the most important thing about her, rather than her skills and expertise. The same goes for statements like "You don't have to work hard, you will find a rich or working husband" because the woman* may be 'good looking'.

Another instance is having to deal with double standards. There are so many different expectations about the way men and women* are supposed to behave, but it is especially annoying and frustrating to women* when they are treated differently for similar behaviours. Whilst an assertive and outspoken woman* gets called "being hysterical", "feisty" or "bitchy", a man making a point with passion does not have to fear being labelled like that. Furthermore, being labelled as "hysterical" reproduces and reveals the entrenched idea of women* being the (over)emotional gender and men the rational one.

From their twenties onwards women* often have to face questions about when they are finally planning to get a boyfriend, get married, or have children. And when a woman* is patient enough to answer the question, saying she doesn't plan on having kids, most of the reactions are perplexed looks and the question "Oh what? Why wouldn't you?" conveying the message "What's wrong with you?". And revealing the believe that a life without children and marriage, would be a life unfulfilled for a woman.

Actually, there are so many more instances of microaggressions towards women, such as mansplaining, slut-shaming, sizeism, victim blaming and more. However, the point should have become clear. When you're about to make a comment on someone: think before you speak – as the old proverb says. Is your comment gender depended? Actually not only gender-dependent, but also dependent on a person's sexuality, race, disability etc. ? Since especially people from more marginalised groups experience microaggressions even more frequently. Or is it something you'd say to anyone?

Accepting that one did something wrong can sometimes be hard, but especially when one didn't actually have anything negative in mind. We all get things wrong sometimes, and many of us will probably certainly notice, even as women* ourselves, that somewhere in one lies dormant internalised misogyny, which will always be maintained by such microaggressions and internalised role models if nobody talks about it and if we do not raise awareness. However, accepting that you did something wrong and learning how to get it right, isn't as hard as constantly feeling put down by hurtful microaggressions. We need to get better collectively and address things we hear that we know are wrong.

To come to an end, I would like to quote Emma Watson: If you stand for equality, then
you're a feminist. Sorry to tell you. 😉

Theresa Achatz

1 Wiktoria Kowalczyk 23, on our way to university when I was taking to her about microaggressions, after she just got catcalled