Comfort zones – an interview with my flatmates

I'd like to introduce you to my flatmate Lilli. The blonde creature with blue eyes and a surprisingly deep voice has been living with me and another friend for almost half a year now and had to lend herself to this article. What emerged was an extraordinarily good conversation that went beyond the purpose of the research. It went roughly like this:

So we're sitting on Lilli's sofa and chatting. Whilst I roll myself a cigarette and Lilli sips her beloved black tea, I ask her

Q: What are comfort zones for you and how have you grown beyond them? Is that even possible?

L: Why the hell are you asking me that?

Q: University newspaper.

L: Oh right. Okay, give me a second.

So I give her a second and we move out onto our balcony.

L: Alright then. Classically, I had to think immediately of home when it came to comfort zones. Familiar surroundings, familiar people and circles in which you already have a certain standing – whether good or bad, I won't say for now. I wanted to consciously escape that after my A-levels and then travelled to Asia. In the almost two years I was away, I obviously experienced an incredible amount and met new people. One or another experience wasn't always pleasant, but subconsciously I grew through it, or rather because of it.

Q: Would you say that your personality changed as a result?

L: My personality didn't change directly, I'm still the same Lilli as I was two or three years ago. I love black tea, good music and I still do the same things; that won't change no matter where I am.

But I would say I carry myself differently into the world. I've developed different views, clearer views that consciously distinguish me from my "old self". And I perceive myself and my effect differently – I appreciate more what I have and therefore need less. Broadly speaking, it's not my personality that changed, but my approach to other people, to problems and to life itself.

Q: You talk a lot about how rewarding it was to leave your comfort zone. Were there moments that frightened you?

L: I think it became difficult from the point on when I realised how fragile my old comfort zone actually was. So basically the "coming home" after you've become an independent person over several months and gathered new experiences. How was I supposed to integrate my new experiences, my "grown self" into my old surroundings without breaking myself in the process? Without making the people I love feel like they're doing everything wrong? That was and definitely still is a challenge, but in my opinion it's one you have to face in order to move forward.

Small disclaimer: At this point Lilli and I completely went off on a tangent about societal premises and nail varnish. But good thing I have a second flatmate!

From now on you'll be reading from Miri. Like Lilli and me, she studies PSS in Würzburg and spent the last year in Ghana.

She also rolls herself a cigarette first whilst I think of new questions.

Q: Which step out of your comfort zone "home" was bigger for you – the one to Ghana or the one to Würzburg?

M: You can't really compare it because Ghana was like a different world for me and I could consciously prepare for it in advance – whereas the decision to go to Würzburg was very spontaneous because I forgot to think about what I'd do when I was back in Germany. I chose the first degree programme that interested me and picked the city that wasn't too far from home, but not close enough to go home every weekend.

Q: What fears and worries accompanied you when you moved to Würzburg? Starting a new chapter in your life almost completely spontaneously can be quite scary.

M: Um. Difficult question. Of course I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't feel comfortable here or if the degree programme wasn't right for me. That's always the risk with spontaneous decisions: you don't know what's coming and therefore don't know how you could act.

Q: So the move was basically your final departure from your old comfort zone. Did that change you?

M: I certainly hope so!

Q: How do you actually define comfort zones?

M: My comfort zone used to be my home. Nowadays the term has expanded for me. I've discovered that comfort zones don't have to have four walls; I find comfort zones in many things and people. My flatmates, my job and colleagues and my favourite places. Since then I've become more open to many things. I've become more self-confident and I think that's the first small step in the long process of growing up. I believe growing up is leaving your comfort zone.

After both conversations, I still had time to think about the topic of comfort zones myself. For me too, my first comfort zone was and is my home, which I had to leave in order to find out what I want. Whether I even have to move to a different city to grow up or whether my hometown is completely sufficient for that.

And of course I too had incredibly great fear about what could happen if Würzburg didn't suit me.

The first weeks and months were exciting, scary and often lonely. Over time I got to know many new people, formed friendships and ended relationships. The

"growing through it" happened completely imperceptibly in the background.

Only by looking back on the last six months did I realise how much I've changed. Just like Lilli, I'm still the same, but somehow different. I've become more myself without even knowing who that is. But I suppose that's part of growing up.

You have to leave the old in order to know whether you like the new. For me, the new, that is my current life, is definitely not always likeable. There are days when I don't want to deal with electricity bills, work schedules and exams and would much rather be 14 again – when my only problem was which shoes would make me stand out more to the cute guy from the parallel class.

But then I look around and see all the wonderful people with whom I'm sharing this exciting trip of growing up.

Yes, comfort zones are cosy and stepping out of them is exhausting and sometimes annoying and lonely – but with the right people by your side it's bearable and almost fun. So for me, comfort zones aren't just places where you have new experiences, but the people who have them with you.