You or Me?

A clear, unambiguous appeal rings out from someone's mouth: "That's not on!"; "That's not proper!"; "You mustn't do that!". One of these three forms could well echo through the room as soon as one dares to disregard established expectations. The person on the other side feels morally superior, after all they are supposedly in the right. One of these situations, regardless of context, has certainly happened to all of us – even far removed from childhood. Yet expectations in themselves are not inherently something bad. They ensure that social life and coexistence are simplified, since each person roughly knows what reaction a certain action will provoke. Without expectations in the form of, for example, laws, sheer anarchy would reign and the existence of a state would not last long. With expectations, therefore, within a society manifold associations emerge about how something should be. Or rather: how something should not be. In an invisible way, they exert immense pressure on every member, which is palpable at all times. Failing to follow them is akin to crossing a barrier. Society as the constructor of roles that are assigned and to which everyone must conform.
It doesn't quite seem that drastic in reality. But appearances are deceptive! From birth onwards, assignments take place regarding how a child should dress and behave depending on their gender, or must behave. Which colours they like, which profession they can pursue in the future, which hobbies they are allowed to have. But in every other phase of life we are confronted with such a multitude of role assignments – whether we want to be or not. All the more difficult is the shedding of these norms and expectations, especially without being stigmatised and excluded in the process. In everyday life, everyone assumes numerous roles. Whether as a student, partner, employee or family member. In each context, one's own appearance takes on different forms. Different habits in different situations, which one must do justice to. It sounds almost like a full-time job that is pursued on the side. Every transgression or challenge is like an obstacle that meets with irritation and confusion. One seems trapped in a far-branching net that puts us through the wringer and considerably restricts freedom of movement. Liberation is an arduous feat of strength. A barrier that makes one's own path more difficult. An overcoming that leads us into the unknown.
Remaining in the familiar is simple. Something that need not be inherently bad. It provides familiarity, security, peace. Yet it can constrict like a corset. The gaze should revolve around one's own axis. Self-determined or externally determined? Ultimately we are all the construct of our environment. Yet it seethes within sooner or later. For this or that. A potential that unfolds or is ignored. A deep drive that is set in motion or rests forever. The fear of justification, of causing offence, of the disappointed expectations of others. The stiffening of the body in favour of a seemingly satisfied façade. Nothing more than masquerade. What is missing is courage. The courage to become aware of oneself in the deepest core and to identify with it. To represent and implement one's own ideas and convictions with head held high. Self-denigration has never led to bliss. Boundaries ultimately remain boundaries until they are crossed. What is defined as such lies within our discretion.
Roles serve to be assumed. They entrust us with tasks and make demands. They are embedded in a social context, thus only function in connection with other people. Meeting these demands may sometimes be easier, sometimes harder. Yet roles need one thing all the more: identification. This can happen of one's own accord or upon request. Otherwise they do not last long. One cannot truly escape them. Yet identification is something that is pursued consciously. The conscious being for or against. The conscious acceptance or challenging. The conscious putting on or shedding. Society always has its scrutinising eye directed to evaluate according to its accepted norms and expectations. The division into roles and the observation of how these are filled. Yet time speaks for itself. It is marked by change and inconstancy. But where do I change to? To myself or to you?

Felix Thalmann